2018 is over!!???
Last year went by in a blink and it was so fucking intense.
There were many nights of falling asleep on a tear soaked pillow, many days of taking countless photos, many nights of exchanging texts and it's all come to an end.
It's 2019.
Life is passing by so quickly. And I'm still learning, growing and trying to find a place that I call home but I think that I'm happy.
To me.
2018 was somewhat of a rollercoaster and train wreck in one wasn’t it.
It felt like I blinked once and it was over. The start of the year it felt like I was stuck in a constant haze. Everyday felt the same and I had no idea where I was heading. By the half way mark, June, my mind was on leaving yet it was when I enjoyed my days the most. I was the closest to the friends I had ever been, I was motivated and everything seemed perfect. August was disappointing with days spent feeling alone and depressed, lying awake at night. November was cold and miserable with so much anxiety.
And it’s January. Just because it’s a new year it doesn’t mean that a whole lot has changed but through the reflections I’ve made I’ve realised a few things.The first is I’m willing to get hurt. I’ve had a fear of commitments and I’m used to running and hiding, but not this time. This time I will be true because I think I really like him (?).
To study hard and research. I thought that having a ‘good’ job would be enough to make me happy but it’s not. Money really isn’t that important to me. A job and the people and the environment that I work in is so much more. Maybe I don’t have a dream job or a dream company but I do want to strive towards something.
I will be kind to myself. Because I’m not kind to myself. I don’t invest time or care but this year I will. Small things it may seem such as eating better, exercising more, giving more to my skin and letting myself be alone when it wants.
Say yes more. It’s fine not to go to something because I’m tired but I want to stop saying no because of anxiety.
Explore(?)
Explore to find what you like. What you don’t. Wear a dress!? Buy earrings? Hang out with them even if you feel like you won’t get along w them!
Explore your feelings. If you’re mad get mad. If you’re grateful for someone, tell them.
Try more. You always encourage your friends with the motto 'what’s the worst that can happen.’
license
Don’t be lazy. Try new things. Change!!!! in a good way!!!
self love!!!!!
