SPUTNIK SWEETHEART

Hey October.
You've been bipolar. With warm days radiating good vibes and other days filled with cold, unstopping rain.

Hey Japan.
There's been days where I love you and find comfort in the countless small window apartments that I can see from the train window. Other days I find you so cold and lifeless, always busy. I find myself struck in inevitable loneliness despite the crowd.

Hey Uni.
I never thought that feeling unchallenged would affect me but it surprising has. I find myself always checking the time and that also makes me sad because I know this is only for a short time. I find myself asking why I came to this country if I'm not learning anything new.

Hey old friends.
I know I haven't been that constant. Some days it seems like I'm uninterested and a stranger but it's just I'm trying to find who I am as well.

Hey new friends.
It's fun adventuring around new streets and the new city.

Hey me.
You're holding up.


I hope y'all are having a wonderful October!

 I walk down narrow roads and weave in and out of the people. And sometimes, when I pause for just a second, it feels like nothing has changed. The unanswered questions, the anxiety and the daunting future and all at once the doubt rushes in. But then I glance at all the people, and all the wishes hanging from wooden squares and I can walk on.



At times it's hard to decipher how I feel about it all. A new city, same old friends and a whole lot more wishing and waiting but overall it's exciting. It has felt like home since day one but it also feels like a small stop in my life. Like this isn't where I belong forever. A temporary love affair with the city that never sleeps.

 I thought this was what I wanted, where I wanted to be but now I'm having second thoughts.

So many scattered thoughts.

So many retraced steps.

Through museums with captured moments hung so delicate, over wooden bridge and past quiet alleys. Through busy lit streets and department stores full of glittering accessories. Stores selling assorted meals and colourful drinks.

This town is charming. I adore it yet I feel empty like my soul isn't in it. I'm seeing the prettiest places and the happiest people but I don't feel like I belong.

Exchange has basically officially started and it's a mess.
Firstly, I did not budget. Who knew adulting would be so expensive?? I mean I thought salads were stuff that u were forced to eat not sacrifice over. the things I could buy for one tomato here.
Secondly, I lost my mobile today... Meaning goodbye to the most precious photos and countless important things and hello stress. Hello to a whole lot of stress...
Thirdly, I'm missing home but I don't even know where that is. My mum is here with me but it feels suffocating. I can't seem to sleep at night.

Also as the days get colder I seem to feel more inclined to stay in bed all day. Maybe it's not the worst thing but I don't want to completely shut off and distance everyone.


I hope that wherever you are to whoever might be reading you are warm and enjoying your home right now~