Sputnik Sweetheart

Summer in Australia is always scorching, the sun hitting down on the barren earth. If you step outside then the colour of your skin will turn two shades darker and the sun rises at 5am. Despite all of this, Summer is my favourite season. The mangoes are sweet like nectar, the sky is blue and theres always abundance of ice-cream stocked up in the fridge.

You know how in December we all have a look at out most played songs on Spotify and remise how some of the songs helped us claw out of a dark place. Most of my songs were by Keshi and helped would be an understatement, his songs were my peace.

There were a lot of twists and turns and to summarise this year, I would have to say it was rough. There was a lot of stumbling around and a lot of growing that had to happen.

As I grow older, I feel more alone. However that isn't because I have less people around me, it's because I see such a disconnect from all that I want and feel like I should've achieved versus where I am currently.

I hate it when things are stagnant, yet, I can't seem to take the first step. 

As the months changed the people around me changed.

It's crazy to think at the beginning of this year I was incredibly in love and going through life with my boyfriend at the time. 

Being cheated on wasn't easy and there was a lot of healing that had to be done.

I stepped away from my old friends and I met friends who love climbing like I do.

I kept in touch with my old friends.

There was countless new friends and people I connected with. Disconnected with.

And then there's milestones.

Like the fact I graduated University. The fact I got a full time job and even though it's only retail I still go in every single day, with a smile on my face.

I know I'm still growing and there is a whole lot more I have to do but I want to try my best.

 Wishing anyone reading this a lovely last month of 2020. Hopefully the last year we have to live through a pandemic.

Hi 22 year old me. I wrote you a letter and a few questions if you don't mind.

It's the first of September 2020 right now. How are you feeling?

Time slips by pretty quickly doesn't it. I hope you've healed properly from your broken heart. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dRo5Kbgx6c I hope you can listen to this again without feeling like crying. 

Without him still passing your mind.

How are you and where are you? 

I hope you're happier. Today, you came home from a staff party at 11pm - it was raining outside. You didn't like how you looked. Or how you dressed. Or how you felt. I hope you're happier now though.

Have you found love?

I wonder if you have someone that makes you smile. Who you can message in the middle of the night to talk about your thoughts. Someone who makes you feel safe.

How's mom?

Have you moved out? Does she still drive you insane? I hope you've found your common ground. If your still at home maybe it's time to move out... I hope you guys are on good terms. You love her very much.

Do you have your license? Who are your best friends now? What are you listening to right now?  

22 year old me, 21 you is trying her best. It's hard because even though you have friends who love you very much sometimes everything feels bleak and lonely. 21 year old you is trying her best. She's very stressed about her new job but she wants to do well. 

I hope you know I'm very proud of you. 

Sincerely