by - 5:45 AM

Dear crush
I liked you. I liked you this whole year. You must’ve known right?
There was a lot of time spent wishing I could say a few simple words but I know that nothing will happen. There’s a whole lot I want you to know, like how you are always caring, always consciousness, to observant for my liking. Even texting you made me nervous and I wanted to push you away because I was scared, of losing you and hurting. I’m selfish like that.

It hurts me that soon we’ll be complete strangers again. I won’t know about you anymore. What TV shows your watching, who’s making you smile or what you’re dreaming about. Maybe I’ll let my imagination make it up but maybe I’ll just try and forget you all together. 

I don’t think I’ll ever write or talk to you after this week, after school ends we’ll just fade away until you just become flickers in my mind.Maybe we’ll meet a few times but then soon life will take you away and you’ll fall in love. I’ll search your name up sometimes, write down messages I’ll never send but overtime the importance of you will slip away. The pure overwhelming feeling I’m experiencing now will be distorted into something small and insignificant in years to come. When youth is replaced.

I wonder if in twenty years time, will I think of you or what you’ve become? I wonder if I walk past you, will I even recognise you?
My love wasn’t deep but rather a shallow sweet youthful liking but it consumed me until the sky was no longer blue but rather tinged pink. 

The pink has now washed out and it looks live silver sand. It’s the start of summer, long warm nights and more memories, more important steps into the future. You told me you hate summer and maybe one day I will to because goodbye in the summer is the most painful. Losing someone in summer remains as hopeless memories and what ifs forever. 

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  1. I love this, I feel like (even though this is what 17 year old me is saying now) when you are young, you feel everything to the extreme because its most we've ever felt so now it feels like everything but in the future it seems like nothing? does that even make sense? haha x

  2. Oh man this takes me back to my school crushes so much, it's crazy how one person can seem like the world to you when you actually barely know them and how much it feels like love! you write amazingly <3

  3. This is reminding me so much of a memory from year 7...
    Aleeha xXx

  4. So cute! I remember those giddy feelings of having a crush.

  5. lovely :)

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